So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize