Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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