Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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