According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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