You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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