so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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