No more Irish car bombs ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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