I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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