that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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