I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
