you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
