I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize