and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
