my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
