ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
