im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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