Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
4 words: hood of his car
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
