I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
