I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
