I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize