yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
