cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
