Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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