Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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