Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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