Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
