I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
