I am spending my child support on dildos
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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