Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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