remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
