I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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