Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
