too bad you live with your parents still
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
