omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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