mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
