The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My feet surprised me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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