Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
