pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize