hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
organizing the empties. That sober.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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