what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize