We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
