i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
