When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
