he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
