do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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