At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize