i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
