he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize