Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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