my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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