I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
even my farts smell like vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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