I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
