Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
