i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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