i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize