Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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