Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
