Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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