i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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