we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize