I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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