you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
