his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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