Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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