If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
