I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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