All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
