Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
