Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
