the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Randomize
