His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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