you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize