it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
