We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
