It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
