sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
