Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
