Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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