she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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