there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
