To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
