had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
