Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
this is an emotional support booty call
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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