Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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