Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
