so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
