Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't deserve a penis
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
