Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
