Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize