I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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