and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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