I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
