I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So much rum. So many feels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
