Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
