Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Someone came in the potted fern
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
