Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
