Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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