Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
