I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
