if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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