i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
