I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Randomize
