I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
